2013 Trailer-Bowl: Rating the Movie Trailers

So it's Superb Owl Sunday and a few things can be counted on  - The big game will be the most watched TV event of the year, Budweiser will spend an ungodly sum of money to hijack the commercial breaks, and the movie studios will blow their summer movie trailer load. Now the Summer tends to be the testosterone fueled time of the year where all the action flicks come out and this year is no different. 2013 is shaping up to be featuring action packed titles such as Fast and Furious 6, Star Trek 2 and Iron Man 3. All of these movies, and more, will have trailers featured during the big game and I'm here to rate them for you. So, in the order they appeared during the game, here goes.

1) The Lone Ranger - July 3
The trailer for The Lone Ranger, Johnny Depp's next outing with Disney, technically aired before the game started, but for shits and giggles, I'll include it here as well. So far, the longest trailer of the night, clocking in at 1:32 was for Disney's "The Lone Ranger." Surprisingly enough, though, it didn't really show much that we hadn't already seen in all the trailers released so far. The theme was, generally speaking, The Lone Ranger getting ripped away from dangerous situations on trains, be it by whip or by chain. It was also our first real look at Johnny Depp being Johnny Depp so for those of you hoping his totally not white character wouldn't be the goofy asshole of every other movie he's been in lately (type cast much?)...tough shit. Anyway, take a look at the trailer below.

Jake's Rating: I liked the trailer for the most part and its length could've been a plus, but it seemed like time wasted and the Pirates logo was just unnecessary. Given everything I've said, "The Lone Ranger" gets a 3 out of 5.

2) Oz: The Great and Powerful - March 3
I can't recall if this one aired before the game started or early in the first quarter, but it's a movie trailer so here it is. James Franco makes his way to Oz in this new Disney movie where he comes in contact with a couple good witches and a couple bad witches. There are also good flying monkeys and bad flying monkeys (not sure if they're talking yet though). Also, I wasn't aware that the stunning Mila Kunis will be in this movie as what I can only guess is one of the good witches so that's a plus. There are some interesting landscapes in this movie (as can be expected), a black and white tornado and flying in bubbles. Here's the trailer so you can see for yourselves.

Jake's Rating: This trailer was just full of pretty scenes and didn't show much that was all that interesting (besides Mila Kunis, of course). Couple that with the short 30 second run time and you have a trailer that gets a measly 2 out of 5 rating.

3) World War Z - June 20
I don't remember if this trailer happened before the Oz trailer or after, so since I'm writing this, I'll place it after Oz. Now this is how you do a trailer. Start out calm with a nice family moment then start to escalate. Bam...side mirror taken out, then cop taken out (by a bus in a traffic jam?) then all hell breaks loose. Somehow Brad Pitt can now drive freely in a traffic jam so he starts to take off. Then more crazy shit like people trying to climb people to go over a wall. Then a big hole gets ripped in the side of a plane. Then people keep saying how they've lost all of these places. But no one knows what they're up against (hint: zombies). Anyway, there's some crazy shit happening in this short trailer but I'm intrigued either way. It has successfully done its job. See what I'm talking about below.

Jake's Rating: If you couldn't tell, I really enjoyed this trailer, even if it was only 30 seconds long. It didn't waste time and it didn't sell the movie out like many other trailers do. This is a movie I want to watch and so this trailer gets a solid 4.5 out of 5.

4) Fast and Furious 6 - May 24
The fifth movie in the series, Fast Five, ended with Vin Diesel and co. getting together for a meal on a nice waterfront property. The Rock is looking for any lead on the crew that got away, but then someone brings him a file. In the file is a dossier on Letty, who apparently didn't die in the second movie after all. This trailer sees The Rock recruiting the same crew he spent the last movie chasing to help him catch a wild crew of impressive drivers. This leads to Vin Diesel and Co. agreeing to help in exchange for having their records wiped clean. A few spectacular car chases and A FUCKING TANK later, and all hell seems to be breaking loose. In case you forgot about Letty, she turns up during the closing scene and looks as if she's going up against The Rock and team. Watch the excitement below.

Jake's Rating: This trailer has all the bells and whistles you'd expect from such an action packed movie. The aforementioned tank, somehow taking down a massive jet, and the return of Letty all earn this one a 4.5 out of 5.

5) Star Trek: Into Darkness - May 17
The first J.J. Abrams Star Trek flick brought the usual names to a new generation. It had some impressive visuals, some great action moments and a pretty decent plot. It also managed to get rid of the nerd stink that plagued the original series and made it watchable for people like me. The sequel comes back stronger than ever with a new enemy, bigger visuals and more explosions. The trailer shows the new villain (who I, being new to the series, don't recognize) being all sorts of talkative and claiming to be better at everything. You get to see a guy standing in lava, the Enterprise crashing down to earth and then through a building and a dude (Spock?) jumping off a tall building. Take a look at the spot below.

Jake's Rating: This one was pretty short clocking in around 30 sec. It showed some pretty sweet scenes and displayed a large scope, but it just didn't have the impact it needed. I'm giving this one a 3 out of 5.

6) Iron Man 3 - May 3
The trailer I've been waiting for all night wasn't much of a trailer at all. I'm not sure if it's because Disney has spent so much money already (Disney owns Marvel if you didn't know) but they showed a quick 30 second teaser with a scene that opens up showing Air Force One flying through the air when a big hole gets blasted in the tail section (If you're keeping count, this is the third trailer that features a jet blowing up, not counting the Enterprise) and people start flying out. In comes Iron Man in a new suit out to save the people falling to their deaths. There are 13 people and Jarvis tells Tony Stark he can only carry 4. A battered Stark says oh boy then the trailer cuts out telling you peons to go to Facebook to see the extended cut. A shitty ploy, but the scene was interesting. See the TV cut that faked me out below.

Jake's Rating: I'm understandably let down by the 30 second fake out sending me to another place to watch the rest, but the 30 seconds that I saw was a solid scene from a movie I'll love so I'm more forgiving. All in all, I'm giving this a 3.5 out of 5.

6a) Iron Man 3 - Extended Look Trailer
So the power outage time out gave me plenty of time to get caught up so now I can add this special tidbit. The fake out trailer during the Superb Owl only got a rating of 3.5 out of 5 but the Extended Look Trailer does a fantastic job of making up for that. I won't spoil the beginning, but during the trailer we see a couple looks at Sir Ben Kingsly as The Mandarin, not-Sir Don Cheadle in the Captain American-Man suit, some other dude who I didn't recognize, and a couple looks at new suits. Add this to the scene in the fake out trailer and we're sitting pretty. Take a look at the Extended Look Trailer below.

Jake's Rating: The Extended Look Trailer started out funnier than hell. That alone, plus all of the new scenes, gets this trailer our first 5 out of 5. Superb Owl indeed.

7) God of War: Ascension - March 12
Sure, it's not a movie and sure, it's not technically a Superb Owl commercial even though it aired online during the game, but hell. It's action, it's coming out in 2013 and the trailer is live action, just like a movie so there you go. So for the uninitiated, God of War is a series of games on Playstation consoles about a Spartan warrior who becomes a god and takes a direct run at Zeus as revenge for him having to kill his wife and daughter. God of War: Ascension is the fourth installment on the home console space and the sixth on home and handheld consoles. It's a prequel to the original Playstation 2 God of War and looks at how Kratos becomes the "man" he is today. The trailer is an interesting cinematic look at the touching relationship between a warrior and his daughter and shows how that happiness is so fleeting. See the beautiful trailer below.

Jake's Rating: I love the God of War series. The story is fantastic and the battles epic. This looks to be another great addition to the Kratos mythos and I'm looking forward to getting my hands on it next month. The trailer gets a 4 out of 5.

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